Sunday, 15 November 2009

Marriage and my best friend

Here I am, on yet another flight (I do on average at least 4 a month, and have done so for the past 13 months), and take this golden opportunity to write another post (or pen to paper, as I like to refer to writing blog posts).

This weekend marks one of the rarer moments in my normal home surroundings... my wife was away for the weekend. She has taken a well deserved short break back home in Fiji, and this is a break I know she sorely needed.

My normal calendar month at work consists of two consecutive weeks in our Melbourne office and the balance in our Brisbane office (Priority Management http://prioritymanagement.com.au). Apart from a fair bit of travel, I spend two working weeks away from my wife. Luckily, Priority Management is forward thinking and caring enough to send me home for the middle weekend, to be with her.

I came home last Thursday night, in order to spend a night with my wife, prior to driving her to the airport Friday morning for her flight to Fiji. That night, I came home to an empty house, and this is the rare moment: I would spend the weekend in the house alone.

I refer to our home as the "house" simply because one of the main reasons it is my home is because of my wife.

My wife is Fiji-Indian and I believe true to her heritage, beliefs and upbringing. Apart from being breath takingly gorgeous, she carries herself in almost a regal sense, and for me, she lights up my world.

That said, she has strong opinions and is always totally upfront with me, no matter what. And this can be a little confronting at times, but for me, providing I keep this in mind, ensures the strong conversations can take place, solutions or negotiations can be worked through, without fear of retrospective actions, and never a grudge to be held. Certainly, I am thankful that emotional blackmail is not a part of our relationship or marriage.

She is a self made woman, who has made her mark on this world, without a man by her side (apart from her father, who left this world around 3 years ago, prior to my coming onto the scene), and really, owes no one, anything. Words can't really do justice to my respect for what she has achieved, and for me, she is my daily inspiration.

As a woman who is herself, she didn't enter our relationship as someone who was needy, or dependent; rather, first and foremost, we were able to develop a friendship and love based on two individuals who chose to come together in a relationship, but also, neither of us losing our sense of self.

Not only is she my wife, but also very clearly, my best friend. And that makes me one very lucky and blessed guy.

This weekend (that I just spent alone), made it perfectly clear just what value she adds to our home life, and how the sum of all she does and I do, and all of our interactions, turn the "house" into our "home".  And yes we have been texting, calling and skyping, but the spontaneity of the simple happenings and interactions are missing.

I am very lucky and fortunate to be a part of a deep friendship and a truly positive relationship with my partner; to be married to my wife is a place second to nothing else here on this earth.

The weekend has served me well; it has reminded me of just how lucky I am, and what a great life I live. And my wife's singular importance won't be forgotten.
Posted by Thomas at 8:11 PM 1 comments Links to this post
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Monday, 7 September 2009

Saying goodbye to a phenomenal man

This week marked the passing of a truly great man...someone most of you won't know, and someone I had only know for a bit over 5 months.



My wife's Mother's brother-in-law, our Mosa, passed away peacefully (from all accounts; I wasn't present) last Tuesday. And he will be missed.



Mosa was not only present at our Hindu wedding back in March, but more importantly, he was both our Pundit (Hindu Priest) and our Civil Celebrant...he performed our wedding ceremony, and it was the last one he performed.



I met him for the first time about an hour before our wedding, and he instantly made me relax. Suffering a rare skin disorder, Mosa was literally as white as me, which really took me by surprise, and it sort of enhanced his Pundit "aura" in my mind.



Mosa ensured I was fully aware of what would and was happening, every step of the way, and I know from my family and friends' perspective (not to mention mine as well) this was hugely welcoming and comforting at the same time.



His keen sense of humour came into play a number of times during the ceremony (apparently my wife has to obey me! ;) ), and his patience for a Gora like me right in the middle of a Hindu wedding, was much appreciated.



But it was the two days after spent in Mosa's company that I was so lucky and fortunate to receive. For it was this time I was able to learn more about this great man's 80+ years of life's experiences...and there were many lessons learnt and still learning, as a direct result of our conversations, and time spent.



And it is not just me who obviously feels this way about Mosa...at his "public" funeral service, at least 500 people were in attendance, and the line of the people waiting to say goodbye seemingly took forever to run its course. He was well loved.



Mosa has gone to a better place, and we here are poorer for that. I now have someone else I can class as one of my life's guidance counselors; even though he has passed on, his memories and advice live on.



God rest his soul



Nameste
Posted by Thomas at 9:46 AM 1 comments Links to this post
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Saturday, 1 August 2009

#followfriday: my twitter list

Followfriday is a phenomenon on twitter, and if you don't know about it, you are either very new to twitter, or have been living under a rock. Basically, #followfriday (the hashtag is to assist with search visibility) is a process whereby twitter users recommend some of their followers for others to follow ....a sort of #sharingthelove or #payingitforward in the twitterverse.

There are various ways people undertake #followfriday:


  1. Mass blanket list of recommended followers with no background;


  2. Individual #followfriday recommendations with a tweet filled with why others should follow this person;


  3. Group #followfriday tweets (eg. a BlackBerry group of twitterers)... this is the option I used;


  4. Retweeting someone else's list; either as a way of saying thank you, or a self-promoting exercise by someone trying to increase their friends on twitter; or


  5. Someone hijacking another's #followfriday tweet and turning it into their own (this is maninly a sefl-promoting exercise to increase friend numbers).

Now remember, I am not condemning, nor condoning any of the afore mentioned methods, as I respect an "each to their own" process here. But I am changing mine... and the reasons are simple.

Currently in my work, I commute between Brisbane and Melbourne (two capital cities on the eastern seaboard of Australia), and the half the commutes are undertaken on a Friday, usually smack in the middle of #followfriday, so therefore I place a huge amount of pressure on myself to not only respond to everyone else's tweets, but to get my #followfriday tweets out as well.

And so comes this blog post.... my #followfriday list recommendations. I will over time update the lists as my friends and followers evolve, but for now, this is the one.


Inspirational #followfriday twitterers:

Good friends #followfriday:

There are my good friends who don't fit into my allotted categories....yet, and perhaps they never will, but one thing I know, they are there for me when I need them, and I am there for them:

iPhone friends/sparring partners #followfriday:

These are my iPhone friends (can a passionate BlackBerry user/abuser ever be friends with an iPhone user? Well, of course he/she can, and I am):

BlackBerry #followfriday legends:

These probably are my core group of twitter friends, mainly because they too are very passionate about BlackBerry devices, they are mobile (so are on twitter a lot of the time), and they are truly a helpful and friendly bunch (just don't rubbish the BlackBerry without having very good evidence on your side) (in no particular order):

So this is my #followfriday list.... I will no doubt realise this isn't a complete list and will make some adjustments as the upcoming weeks roll out.

I can wholeheartedly recommend any of these fabulous individuals. #payingitforward

Thomas



Posted by Thomas at 9:07 PM 4 comments Links to this post
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Wednesday, 22 July 2009

Paying it forward with a BlackBerry... it happened to me

Rushing around last Saturday morning, I did not have a chance to go through my regular RSS feeds received onto my BlackBerry Bold via the Viigo application, so had no idea what had happened... someone had leaked / released BlackBerry Messenger 5.0 to the wider market, apparently in beta format.

So what you might say, and fair enough, and I understand your lack of interest here if you are not a BlackBerry user. If however, on the other hand, you are, BlackBerry Messenger 5.0 is quite simply quite exciting (compared to the existing ones in use, virtually unchanged for it seems, ages):
  • pictures as avatars
  • share locations
  • share music you are listening to
  • lots of smiley emoticons
  • patriotic flags
  • etc

So, here I was, a BlackBerry user (or abuser) who is normally on top of applications that are released / leaked, not knowing this amazing update had surfaced.

Arrived at the Brisbane International Airport to meet my mother-in-law and sister-in-law (not to mention little nephew Daman) and received a BlackBerry Messenger from @JMarkyBB asking me my thoughts on BlackBerry Messenger 5.0 ..... boom! I was floored.

Paying It Forward:

Mark obviously thought enough of our friendship to bring this amazing piece of BlackBerry software to my attention.... in other words, he paid it forward.

I was then able to install BlackBerry Messenger 5.0 and start playing, but more importantly, was able to help others with the same .... I was able to pay it forward, as a direct result of Mark's paying it forward action.

If you get the chance, I would encourage you, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem, to pay it forward.

Thomas

Posted by Thomas at 12:46 PM 1 comments Links to this post
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Wednesday, 8 July 2009

Another....paying it forward twitter style... a successful outcome

I talk (tweet?) to a diverse range of people on twitter, something I am really proud of. No two of my twitter friends are the same, which is just brilliant for me, as one of my initial main reasons for signing up to twitter in the first place, was to simply learn from people... something I am pleased to say, happens many times every single day.

As you may well know, I use a hashtag quite a bit, and that one is #payingitforward and i have explained my views on paying it forward and how I try to pay it forward in this blog.

One morning, I was DM'd on twitter by a gentleman in the United States with a proposal that he thought I may be interested in, and let's be honest here, how many of these are simply "not my cup of tea" (I am sure you know what I mean)? Anyway, as is the case of the majority of these, I read them, check out any links and have a think. Yes or no, good or bad, interesting or not, they were the decisions to be made.

This one caught my eye... he was looking for a way to promote/introduce Australian artists in America, and whilst I didn't have a clue as to how to do this, or even where I would start, I immediately thought of one avenue....

You see, I know people within a government department whose job it is is to promote the export of Australian goods/services/talent to overseas markets. Perfect!

So I asked him to forward me a quick outline to my gmail account & I passed it onto my contacts.... paid it forward.

That was a couple of weeks ago, and today got notification that yes the government department would love to assist and contact was made.

Regardless of the outcome, I know from within myself, I have paid it forward.

So as I sit here and type away (on a keyboard that is way bigger than my BlackBerry Bold's qwerty keyboard), I feel a nice warm glow descend over me.... i have made a difference to someone else, and it literally cost me about 30 minutes of my time.

So, if ever you get the chance, go on, try paying it forward.

TferThomas
Posted by Thomas at 6:54 PM 0 comments Links to this post
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Sunday, 28 June 2009

twitter: @TferThomas' rules ... Setting up your account



One of the main things that keeps me constantly drawn to twitter, over most other social / business online sites, is the wide diversity of my friends on twitter, and the different approaches these people implement, to run their twitter lives.




That said, the following is an overview of my initial twitter rules of engagement... how I believe a twitter account should be set up.



SETTING UP YOUR ACCOUNT:




  1. HAVING A SIMPLE USERNAME: I have used TferThomas for a number of reasons; it includes my first name, I believe it is a little catchy, it is not embarrassing, it doesn't make you believe I am something I am not, and I believe it is relatively easy to remember... all good networking positives.


  2. HAVE A GOOD PROFILE PHOTO: I use the photo above for basically everything I do online, for the following reasons; it is a happy photo, it display all of my face relatively close up, it represents a professional side of me (yet not coldly), it is a friendly photo... all good networking positives. The photo remains a constant for me, which makes it easy for my friends to find me in their twitter stream, especially my BlackBerry friends who are using one of the many BlackBerry twitter applications (SocialScope, yatca, Ubertwitter, twitterberry, etc) and as such the avatars are smaller.

  3. HAVE A BIO: A small summary of what you are about as your bio is probably one of the easiest, yet most effective way of convincing others to follow you. and it needs to be stated here, that your bio needs to actually reflect you... be yourself. If you are here to market, then say so. 140 characters per tweet does not leave any room for deceptive marketing. If you don't have a bio, what are you actually hiding?
  4. INCLUDE A FULL LENGTH URL IN YOU BIO: nothing flags more as potential spam as a tinyurl or bit.ly URL in your bio. Including a full length URL will help encourage others to actually click on it, and get to know you that much more intimately.
  5. LOCATION: I believe it is more effective to have your actual location listed, and I am not talking micro-details. I show Brisbane, Australia as my location enabling my followers to know exactly where I am geographically, allowing them another choice.
  6. BACKGROUND: I use @twitbacks as the source of my backgrounds and happy to promote their services here. I believe having a non standard background is important from an attention grabbing perspective... ie. making your account stand out from the crowd. Remember twitter is all about rapid fire 140 character tweets, and the twitterverse moves quickly.

Anyway, that's my thoughts on setting up a twitter account. Later, I shall pass on my thoughts about how to tweet, how to interact, and maintain your little part of the greater twitterverse.

Until then, be safe,

TferThomas

Posted by Thomas at 11:47 AM 0 comments Links to this post
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Sunday, 14 June 2009

Learn to like yourself first....

Many of you would have heard of the term "people pleaser" I am sure, but if you haven't, allow me to explain. In my words, a "people pleaser" is a person whose main aim is to please others, and quite often, that is to the detriment of themselves (in other words, putting others' needs and wants before their very own).

Now, I am no psychologist, but this is not good for your self esteem, your positiveness, your motivation to develop as an individual, or more importantly, to like yourself as a person. By concentrating on others, you are not focusing on yourself (and I don't mean in a conceited way).


How can others like you, if you don't like yourself?

You really need to understand who you actually are, accept who you are, and be the best person you can be, while all the time remembering who you are.

If you can't be yourself, how can you strive to be a better person, or grow as the person you are? If you try to be someone you are not, you are not being true to yourself, and you simply cannot grow as the person you are.

But wait, what about striving to be a better person and so become a different person as a result? Sure this is fine, but in the end, you really don't know how you will develop.... all the fun of developing yourself and going on life's journey.... your journey. Note this clearly however, you do not know the end, or where you will end up.... if you think you do, then you are not being true to yourself.

Importantly, accept who you are and what your limitations are.... for me, I acknowledge the fact I am hopeless at most sports, not comfortable in fixing problems with Windows on my PC, but I know I am a hopeless romantic, I am a good listener, a reasonable networker, and a whiz on my BlackBerry. I have only listed a few things here, but you get the idea....

So one thing which helps me is to write down a list:
  • Things I am good at
  • Things I am not good at and will never be good at (normally, these are not important to me)
  • Things I am not good at but could become good at (my goals for improving myself)

Every month, review the list and map your development, watching how the first list (good at) increases while the last list (improving) reduces.... I am on my way to accepting myself as for who I am, which in turn, opens the door for other people to see me as "me". Friendship may, or may not develop, but if it develops, it is real.

Hope this helps. My thoughts for now,

Thomas

Posted by Thomas at 3:38 PM 0 comments Links to this post
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